Sara; Help girls help…. I’m about to eat a bottle of Prozac! Help anyone!

Julie; Oh no your not, get the ice cream out!’

Sara; kids are driving me mad… which is nothing out of the ordinary. Oh god, what a bloody day I’ve had… Micheal’s now running through a new play he’s written for the operatic society. He’s had the boys rehearsing! OMG, what a spectacle it all is.

Julie; Ok, I’m sending out an urgent ‘Whine o clock alert’ the girls. Log in to Skype!

Sara; Hi girls, Sara raises her wine glass!

The group all exchanged their pleasantries and settled in front of their computer screen for the weekly group chat.

Sara: ‘My lads as you know are both chalk and cheese. For twins you’d of thought they would be best of buddies!’

Billy: I love hearing about the antics of your boys!

Chrystal: Me too! Believe it or not. Our weekly chats about kids, the ole man, family conflicts and sex. Their incredibly educational!

Billy; You getting any twinges yet!

Chrystal; No

Billy; Tonight might be the night!

Julie: ‘C’mon sweetheart. It’s your turn this time to offload. What’s happened! Something’s rattled your cage?’

Sara: ‘I’m stressed out!……Well you know Luke is outspoken and direct….Micheal gave him the role of the devil. Mark is playing the of religious figure, like Jesus or Buddha! It’s about opposites?’

Chrystal I love your Micheal and the way he involves himself with the boys.

Sara: ‘Micheal was recording the acting as the boys went off on a tandem and started improvising. Honestly, Micheal’s face was a picture. He was totally mesmerised with how the boys adapted the scripts to their personalites. Micheal can’t stop praising them…..I’m living in a friggin mad house! No wonder I’m losing my sanity…. Gonna start eating Prozac like smarties at this rate!…. I want to scream!….. pray for me girls, pray for me!

Billy; I’m on my knees for ya GF!

Sara; Quick intro – Mark and Luke are both rehearsing and practicing dramatics. Their roles are opposites (no change there) God and Satan, the script is a father to son talk. According to Michael, he wanted to expand the lads imaginations and how they view the relationship between father to son, in the vain hope that it might actually help,the lads bond a bit better, so he gave them some pointers to start……..God told Satan…. They’re really serious so listen in and concentrate, ok? Sara whispered.

Luke: Humans don’t understand free will….anyway. It’s foolproof father. Only a fool will follow my traps. It’s genius, just like me… they will continually chase after their own tail!If their hearts are pure they will find you, that I know. I cannot compete with free will… People will have a choice to say no!…..I can compete with the ego. My plan Is designed to force the human species to believe in their EGO. to ensure they are obedient they will idolise MMEEEEEE! They will demonstrate their love and devotion to me. Through the worshipping of all my false idols. Greed, vanity…and the all pervading lust….. Ha ah ha!

Mark: Yes child, I can certainly see that….. There are many fools following the path to self righteousness, those that choose righteousness are yours to tempt, just remember… Not ALL My children are your fools… Dear child. No matter what temptations you offer to my children. They will refuse all temptations, they will know where I am and how to find me.

Luke: Not this time Father. Humans are becoming more greedy and omnipotent everyday. They believe in their self righteousness. Their ego rules and there I will sit with them. Ruling the body forever! Muwahahaha. It’s my favourite trap.  I will be king of their world! And the best part is, they won’t see me! Haha. They won’t believe it either. I’m going to poison them. I will claim every child born, until he who has the faith and conviction to stand up to me, he will forever be my SLAVE!!!! …..I will maim their internal drive and lock it into a cage. Where you reside! So YOU can keep them company…..  Maahhhahahaha….I will test them….. And punish them….And beat on them….. I will rape women and children….. I will force the woeful and weak to work and slave for the wicked…. I will make celebrities out of villains and villains out of celebrities…. To dupe the stupid ones…. I will make heroes out of abusers and abusers into heroes….. I will tempt the human with romance and fairy tales of what love isn’t!…… And, I will call my masterpiece of creation. – Dependency – To my sins! Mwahahaha……. oh wow, I am the ultimate genius!! That’s why I’M the favourite!!

Mark: No matter how fierce the flames of your anger.  No matter how poisonous the food you tempt them…. No matter how sharp the blade that cuts their heart. They will still find me. They will find out how to access me without effort or teaching….. They will find the jewels in the sky and the fountain of youth that flows in the ground….They will be blessed and honoured for their strength, and their spirit, for their commitment and dedication to serve. Their gifts will grow, through service and compassion… My children will see though all of your false idols Satan….. My children will see past all the digital programming, they  will conquer your deception as their hearts will be true. They will find the truth in their hearts…….They do have integrity!

Luke: Do they? Pfft….. Not after I’ve destroyed them they won’t. They’ll demonstrate classic ignorance and arrogance… They’ll be my new species of the Arrogant Intelligence…. the new human species, AI. They will strike themselves with the sword they try to strike at me with…. These humans are ignorant, arrogant, self righteous and self absorbed. They won’t have time to develop anything in their hearts…. They will be too busy seeking out everything outside of themselves to even stop and think of YOU! They won’t see the duality trap – they will fully depend on MEEEEEEE.

I will rule earth…. My seven sins will be the death of everyone. And karma will be their consequences. The ignorant will learn through their ignorance….. Mwahhhhhaaahhhahaaa….. the arrogant will learn, through their ego of self righteousness….. Sloth – I will make people dependent on the television, and emotional approvals. Selfish to their own ego… They will lose their good skills and vegetate in front of my TV…… Parents will willingly deliver their children to me and my foods designed to kill them….Vanity – my favourite. I will add poison in all diet food and drinks. They will then depend on my doctors for relief of their suffering. In despair they will give up the journey to greet you and they will be so self absorbed in their body image, that they will ALL forget you…. Through their own vanity and self obsession, I will devour their souls……. Greed – Money. What more can I say. The human LOVES money. I can BUY anyone and anything. Everybody has a price……. Gluttony – I will have them eating. Sugar and meat….. Oh the ignorance….. people will have double standards as I split their minds and devour their soul. I will encourage fast foods to keep the young children eating the poisonous foods…. I will hide in the drugs that stupid parents will so willingly accept…. I will be legal and illegal. Such ignorance of their own body they will reach out for more drugs to help relieve their emotional pain….. Pride – I will ensure arrogance and self righteousness with all their egoic achievements….. The ignorant fool cannot swallow his pride….. Wrath – I will rage down on the people. They will FEEL MY WRATH and MY BLOOD in their body as the fires of hell light their soul……  Lust – the one that will claim the hearts of all men and women….. I will sexualise the community to aspire to false worshiping of my idols…. These humans will copulate with ANYTHING when I’ve finished with them. That’s how pathetic they are!

Mark: My children will see past your false idols of material possessions. They will see past you traps…. They will discover their god powers of mine, they will rise against you…. You’re the one who is deluded to state that humans think this way!

Luke: I will stamp them with a number. Where they will work and slave for me….. these children will be MY BEASTS……. They’re MINE now. Mwahahaha!!!!

Mark: The path of life is littered with false idols and false traps….. Any human that harms another will suffer their own consequences….. It’s a chain reaction, its karma…. It’s universal law, it cannot be changed. Humans know this and they will see through your trap!

Luke: But they’re stupid father. They can’t think for themselves!…. They depend on being TOLD what to do! They have to be TOLD how to behave….. They have to be TOLD TO THINK the way I think. They LIKE being told…… And those who refuse to be told what to do will be persecuted by the community they live….. The community will turn against you and they will turn against each other. They will blame you for not being there….. They will blame everything and everyone, to clearly demonstrate their lack of responsibility to themselves and to your presence…… They will Learn my way…… That’s how I will infiltrate the human species and destroy it.………. nobody is safe from meeeeee!

Sara; See what I mean!

Julie; I take it back, eat the fucking prozac!!!

Billy: Oh my god, that was amazing. I thought it was brilliant. They really get into it don’t they? …… You wanna get your lad on the casting couch. Hollywood needs another batman, since the dark Knight popped it!

Julie: Holy shit, you poor sod! One of them is heading towards a padded cell and the other is heading for the metal one! Babe, crack open the brandy, you need a stiff one.

Sara: I think I’m the one whose gonna end up in the padded cell. No wonder the ABC charts were a bloody  farce.

Julie; That’s because Michael didn’t make them theatrical enough!!

Chrystal: Oh my! I’m fanning myself.

Billy; Any twinges!!!!

Chrystal; NO.

Billy; FFS!!!!

Sara; We’re bloody tryin!!

Julie: Sod the wine darlin… hit the hard stuff! You got one lad heading for borstal and the other one heading for Broadmoor! You poor sod! An I thought my Josh my bloody Bad!

Sara: See…. this is what happens when you marry a theatrical man, the kids follow suit!!!

Billy; I know… What great entertainment you got in your house!

Chrystal: Let Micheal deal with it. Fill up your glass honey. We’re here to help pick you up… Sod the pills, grab your wine and slug it sweetheart! I’m hitting the guiness!

Billy; Oh Chrystal you bad ass mama to be!

Sara: Don’t know what I’d do if your girls weren’t in my life!

Julie: Don’t cry… don’t cry…. don’t you dare fucking cry…. we’ll get you pissed and back to yourself….  That’s what friends are for!

Billy: I thought it was a great analogy of duality actually. It really demonstrates how we’re a combination of both good and bad!

Chrystal: Yeah, I wish some of my kids at school were that smart too! I have to face off all types of picky parents.

Sara; Chrystal, the kids in your class are five?

Chrystal; I know, but they do come up with some real corkers!!

Julie: Spill the beans babe, c’mon…. tell us what we’re like?

Chrystal; One of the mums in my class is a bit of a stiff. Little Johnna has crohn’s disease and her diet is special, just like Joanna! Her words, so she gives me this list at the beginning of term that’s got a list of does and don’ts.

Julie: Ooh this is good. What’s on it!

Chrystal: Well before I left for maternity leave, this one mum wants me to write her a list of all the kids in the class that were vegetarian or vegan. It was Important because she’s having a party for little Joanna and only wants to invite the select few! She says it’s to encourage social relationships and to build friendships!

I handed her the slip back and said just invite anyone, the kids in this class aren’t fussy about what food is served. In fact, they’re not actually interested in the food, they just want to play!

She said ‘you’re missing the point! I don’t want my Joanna to build friendships with carnivores or cannibals. They will eventually tempt her to the dark side and I want the best for my Joanna. It’s my duty as a mother to ensure she is nurtured correctly. She must only associate with other vegetarian, vegan preferably, but vegetarian is acceptable, children to be invited.’ I was taken aback! I just thought it wasn’t healthy for a parent to teach their child to be selective and prejudiced like that!

She was proper snobby an all!! Anyway, I said, what kind of mother restricts her child from friendship, exploration and adventure! Children know no boundaries they’re taught to become egotistical and self righteous by their parents! Controlling who your daughter can or can’t play with indicates that as a mother, your child will end up with mental health problems before they reach puberty!

She looked like I slapped her bloody face. Her jaw dropped to the floor and then she eyeballs my growing bump and comments. I see your expecting, I only hope that during or after your labour you will appreciate the responsibility that it takes to be a mother! I’m going to be speaking with the head mistress about your behaviour. Disgraceful and totally unprofessional!

Billy; The mother is doing the right thing, the wrong way round?

Chrystal; Yeah, and the way she handled it was also over the top!

Julie: No way, snotty cow! What did the head mistress do after you were reported!!

Sara; Poor Joanna! I feel for the child. I can already see her now, in the Mental health clinic?

Julie; Hey don’t knock it kid, it’s all business!

Billy; Haha! You mad un!

Chrystal: Oh Francis, she just calmed her down and said it was my ‘pregnancy hormones!’ She also said that the school wasn’t in a position to carry out such a request and she would need to speak with the parents herself, in the playground!

Julie; Bet she weren’t happy about that!

Billy: Beautiful answer though. I’m tickled at how some of these parents behave. Is it any wonder their kids grow up with issues!

Julie: Yeah, what a total contrast to our lot…. At least they’re not as bad as us…. I was forever getting called in to the school because the kids were bullied!

Sara: I don’t feel so bad now!

Julie; Oh that’s good. I remember when I went into the school with Josh and that padded bloody cell! FFS, if its not the fucking stupid parents its the bloody schools! you cant friggin win!!!

Chrystal; What do you mean?

Julie; Oh don’t take it personal Chrystal. It’s not a jab! With Josh an his Autism!!!! He was bullied by the other kids because, well he just didn’t like them! Who can blame him hey, I mean, my boys special! Anyway, the school start this new thing, and at the time I didn’t really understand what it was for, but when I found out about the ‘quiet room’ was actually a padded bloody cell, I just went bloody mental!

Sara; Oh I know what your on about, they’ve got one of them for Luke!! The quiet, padded cell!! Mark never has any bother with it though!

Billy; That’s cos he’s the quiet one!

Julie: I know! When I saw it I was like, oh for fucks sake.. Julie, close the door and bang the walls, you’ll feel much better!

Sara; Did ya?

Julie; Yeah, I bloody had to! No wonder I’m going friggin crackers. It’s the bleedin schools doin it to me!!! If it’s not the kids driving me up the wall, it’s the school and their out dated methods? So, after I had a bash on the walls of this makeshift ‘prison cell!’ I thought to myself, Oh Jesus bloody help me!! Off I marched, like a bitch on heat! I flung the door to the head’s office open, honest to god, you knew I was there, cos the papers in the room start swirlin like a storm! I sits down, the headmaster looks at me, disgusted! I ignored the smacked arse look on his face, ‘So, what’s all this padded cell about then!’

The head goes, ‘well its a quite calm room, to help the children settle down, when they get a little agitated!’ My face says a thousand words, eyebrows go up, jaw drops, the eyeballs pop out and I go ‘Agitated….. Explain, explain.’ He starts to get a bit anxious, he stuttering at me at this point, I’m like, yeah mister, bloody stutter, I’ve only just started buddy. Anyways, he then manages to finally cough out a few words, sweat beading his bloody brow now! I thought, right you son of a bitch, I got you now. I goes to him ‘continue.. come on, I wanna hear this! I reposition myself in my seat, like I’m ready to hear the most spell bounding bloody speech, then he adjusts his glasses. I thought, Right you fucker, you’re panicking now, I’m gonna give you some more to panic about. Remember girls, I was right pissed off about this frigging room they call quiet!! pfft, d’you know, it was about 2 x 2 square feet, with a friggin bean bag?? What’s fucking quiet about that!

Grrr, I maintained my cool, even though I was about to pounce. My claws were OUT!! And he goes. ‘Well Mrs..’ I put my hand up at this point to cut him off and said, cut the small talk, what’s it for?? He goes ‘It’s to help the children learn to control their behaviour! At this point, my eyeballs are almost poppin out my head, my jaw was like, that wide my teeth are on show, and that’s it, I’m going in for the kill! I said, ‘Hold on a minute. What you’re telling me is, the ‘Quiet room’ is a get out clause for isolating children who are trying to say the teaching is shit! That ain’t no quiet room buddy, It’s a bloody prison cell. Talk about training them into learnt behaviour! What you’re actually teaching these kids, is to trade one prison cell, for  a bloody nother!!! Don’t you be sending my Josh to that room. Sort your teaching method out, and stop punishing the kids for trying to SPEAK!!!!! Argh, I tell you, I was PISSED OFF. Storm… storm, urg, I gave him a bloody storm alright.

Billy; Oh I think you got the crown on that one.

Julie; I know I’ve got the bloody crown, cheeky bastard! Oh my god, just remembering it  now. Pissed me off big time. The only thing missing was the bleeding padding? FFS!! Whose bloody training these places? I got up and as I left I goes, If I find out you’ve been sending my son to THAT padded cell, they’ll be HELL to pay Do you hear me! Then I marched out, turned round and gave him the eyeball glare, tutting I said, ‘padded cell, pfft, no wonder the prison service is in a shambles, your god damn training em too young! Jesus Christ, what a bloody farce! Behaviour Mr French, Behaviour….. Stop isolating them and treating them like criminals and ‘communicate!’ then the whole planet might start to get along like we’re supposed to.

I was right on my high horse, marching out the school, every door I opened smacked against the plaster, making a dent. Ooh I tell ya, I made my mark that day. Padded bloody cell!!

Chrystal, Oh girls I’m howling, I think it’s starting!

Sara; Oh yes…. It’s working…. C’mon girls, what else we got….. lets break them waters tonight!!

Julie: That’s the spirit girl. How many glasses you had now!

Sara: Last dregs from the bottle.

Julie; Ooh, hit the baileys, I am!

Billy: Anyone fancy a sing song!

Chrystal: I am what I am!

Julie; Whatever floats your boat babe. We gonna get that baby out if its frigging kills us!!

All four song in chorus: I am what I am I, am my own special creation….come take a look give the hook, or the OVATION!!!


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