Sara; Shit…. that’s my catchphrase right now…shit

SHIT….. I wish everyone wouls stop getting so uptight about the word shit! And stop giving a shit…. Stop giving a shit what people think about you…. Just stop letting other peoples shit, get to you…. that’s crazy shit…. What other people think about you, is their business.. What you think about you is YOUR business….That’s the crazy thing about shit… People get offended when you say shit, people get aggressive if you say shit, people even cry when you say shit… Its all about shit these days aint it.

Billy; Aint life shit! When people say shit. Cos oh my god, nobody ever says the word shit, they like to call other people out on their shit, but they would never say shit themselves. They like to hide their shit, put up fake shit. but nobody ever says shit. Only, you can be punished for your shit, and that’s why its all shit! That’s why misery loves shit! Misery loves shit, to be in shit, to throw shit out, but can’t take shit back!

Julie; Yeah I know… People are going through their own shit, yet you still can’t say shit without getting punished for shit… It all about shit, shit and more shit!! Life, they complain is shit! Their job is shit! Their relationship is shit! The service they receive is shit… It just goes to show that everyone doesn’t really want to get on with their own shit, instead they like to throw shit, give out more shit. Its really all their own shit they’re handing out, they just can’t see the smokescreen mirror when dishing out their shit!

It’s all bullshit really, when you think about it? Bullshit is life’s mirrored shit, and the smokescreen, still throws up shit! Only, the one who throws the shit, can’t smell it, taste it, touch it, feel it or even see it!

Chrystal; Abbreviate shit…. Start Saying -I don’t give a shit. abbreviate it. DGAS, the new term for dealing with shit is to not give a shit!!! When you stop dealing with shit, shit stops happening! that’s the funny thing about shit?

Billy; I like the DGAS bit. My kids use all that, you know those phrases they use, BRB – be right back? I’m gonna start saying that when

Chrystal; Tigger started it in winnie the pooh. TTFN, ta ta for now!

Sara; Wish I knew that DGAS phrase a couple of days ago. I keep clipping car wing mirrors when I’m driving, do any of you lot do that?

Billy; I do, but its usually when a there’s someone driving at me on the opposite side, usually a van! Those men rarely give way. Why?

Sara; Well, I parked up down the road from the school, turned off the engine, I get this tap tap on the window, this woman with her arms folded under her bosom is standing there scowling at me. I wind it down, smile and say hi. She don’t crack her face, she eyeballs me and goes ‘you’ve just hit the wing mirror of my car!’ I apologised to her, said sorry. And she carry’s, going, ‘you’ve clipped my car!’ I goes, ‘yeah you just said that, is there any damage!’ She goes ‘no, and that’s not the point. There could of been!’

I’m like, rolling my eyes at this point, I thought to myself, does she wanna start a fight or what! There’s no bloody damage to the car, yet she knocks on my window just to TELL me I’ve clipped her bloody wing mirror. ‘I get sarcastic at this point and I said, ‘Are you hurt!
She said no, an I goes ‘So what you moaning for!’ An she goes, ‘I just wanted to tell you!’

I went, well now you’ve told me! She then carry’s on trying to tell me off, like I’m her kid! And then as she goes to walk off she says, ‘just be more careful’ so,e people like causing shit these days!

Then a couple of days later, I do it again. By accident, I was driving down the road and you know when those men in big bloody transit vans come and try and push you off the road! Ugh, I ended up clipping the car that was roadside. I stopped and pushed my wing mirror back out and carried on with my day.

Then later in the week, It happened again, only this time, it was a bloke. I thought to myself, here we bloody go, FFS Sara, will you ever learn! So he gets out his car, comes stomping over like a silver back ape! Face like he’s chewing a bloody wasp! I thought for frig sake, can today get any worse. I’m readying myself for a bollocking, off the silverback ape!! It’s bloody obvious looking at his slapped arse face. And he says the same thing! I thought to myself, Oh shit, here we go again.

Anyway, I said sorry, but he felt it was his ‘right’ to read me mine! And give me a bleeding rollicking! I was pissed of at this point an I thought, oh no you don’t buddy! I went, ‘is there any damage,’ he said no. But he wouldn’t leave it, I snapped and goes, look mate, it’s only a car. Nobody’s hurt! He felt at this point that he had to tell me all about how important his car is to him, cos he’s got arthritis and he NEEDS his car to get to hospital appointments! Motorists like me on the road should take more care with their driving.

I eyeball stared at him and said – is it broken? He said no! Then I asked him if he was hurt and he goes, no! At this point I though FFS! I scoffed back at him, ‘oh, by the way I’m ok mate, I’m not hurt anywhere, thanks for asking!’ He went, pardon, ‘but you’re the one who is at fault here! And you should be more considerate!’ Oh my god, that was it, I gave him hell for leather, I goes, excuse me buddy but I’ve got a disability too. It’s called dyspraxia. And when my kids were in their buggy, I took the skin off many ankles! I’ve upgraded since then, and now I’M on the road too! So be thankful it was only your wing mirror. For Christ sake. You people only see your OWN disability don’t you? Do you ever spare a thought for other people? Mm, or are you the only person in ther world that everybody has to bow down to? I’m getting better with my spatial skills! And I’m getting pissed off with miserable bastards like you, complaining about my disability. Just cos you can’t see anything, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Have some consideration for disabled people you say? I’m disabled too you know!! So where’s my apology?

His shuts up and goes to walk off, I’m putting my shades back on, shaking my head. Honestly, people care more about things than they care about people. Is it me, Is it me girls!

Julie; You let him have a bit of MIAW, and no honey, its not you!

Sara; What’s wrong with everyone these days. These people couldn’t give a flying fuck about real things, they’re either too bloody nosy and think it’s their right to come and scold you, or their frothing at the mouth because their wing mirror flapped in! It’s only a piece of tin! It’s not like he was was dying or anything!

Julie; Some people! They just like getting on their high horse don’t they!

Chrystal; A bit like us! lol.

Julie; We’re not that bad!…. Are we?

Sara; Yeah, while they’re sitting at home watching telly all day. Thinking up ways to piss of the working citizens, who are incidentally keeping them in comfort? Gggrrrrr.

Billy; That’s the ignorance of the arrogant I’m afraid.

Julie; Any twinges yet Chrystal?

Chrystal; No, I feel rather swollen and fat though!

Julie; Mystic meg, look into your Chrystal ball and tell us when this baby is making an entrance?

Billy; It’ll be next week sometime!

Julie; A few more days chick, and you’ll be wishing you stayed a virgin. Wait till your dilated past five centimetres, ouch. I can remember the pain like yesterday, can you Sara, Billy!

Sara; Oh yes, I think it prepares you for anthing, labour pain!

Chrystal; I just want baby out now. There’s so much you can’t do with a bump in the way can you. Like shave your legs properly?

Sara; Oh don’t worry about that, I need a chainsaw every summer to get my leags beach ready!

Julie; Haha, and me. I only do the ankle to knee in the winter. But holiday legs take more work, lol!

Billy; What about the landing strip Chrystal, have you managed to trim it?

Chrystal; I had it waxed about a month ago, my sister in law came round to pamper me, ready for delivery! So it’s neat for delivery?

Julie; Aw, nice sister in law, has she had a baby herself?

Chrystal; No

Julie; That’s why then!


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