Julie; Does any of you’s still get ‘Sunday morning glory?’ Or is it just me still playing this mums and dads game!!!
Chrystal; NO, not at the minute, with my bump, the hubby is handling me like I’m made of glass!!
Billy; Don’t worry darling, we’ll have that baby out soon!
Julie; Yeah, we’ll have that baby moving soon chick… listen up, an get some tips…. Between the three of us we can get baby’s head engaged and ready for action!!
Chrystal; I hope so, Its getting really uncomfortable now!
Billy; Hang in there honey… not long to go.
Julie; Oh you know, what I loved it before the kids were born? It’s just not the same when the kids start to get mobile and move about. You run the risk of getting caught, especially me…..Can you imagine what my kids would do I they saw me spread out across the kitchen table in all my naked glory!
Chrystal; Your Josh would have a meltdown!
Julie; Oh I know.
Sara; Oh tell me about it! I’ve had some great times before the kids arrived and, when the twins were babies!
Billy; Ooh come on girls, lets hear it. I love hearing about your antics! Julie, you’re such a master at the love games.
Julie; I come up with loads. That’s the trick to a happy marriage. Role play and love GAMES! You have to take the ‘mums and dads’ thing to a new level! And, you don’t have to miss out on all the fun when the kids arrive either!! I love grown ups games! Who says we have to grow up!!
Chrystal; We know? I’m learning fast off you guys. I can’t wait till the baby arrives and I can get back to being a randy bugger again. It’s just not the same with a huge bump in the way.
Julie; Oh honey that shouldn’t stop you! You can still gets your kicks right up until the birth. In fact, a good bump and grind is what’s needed to get the waters to break and move the pregnancy on. My waters broke with my daughter when me and Matt were having sex on the toilet!
Sara; You were in the right place then!
Julie; Well in as many words, yes. Only, he couldn’t manage to plumb a stop cock for the baby water’s!
Sara; He already did!!!
Julie; Ha, I know. Anyhow’s, it didn’t quite explode over the toilet pan. Matt was sitting on the toilet with the lid down and I was facing the door….. We were rocking and banging away… well the bump was a bit too big to get it on face to face, so the position was ideal! Only problem was, we didn’t just break my waters, we broke the friggin toilet too! It went fucking everywhere, there was loads of splashing, an it wasn’t only baby waters! Can you believe that. Bloodyhell… the bathroom was flooded! I just had the floor tiled an all!
Chrystal; Lucky that Matt’s a plumber!
Julie; Yeah. But this plumbing he defo couldn’t fix! The water soaked the bathroom floor! Isn’t it ironic how a moment of passion turns a man into a complete sodding panic! Matt went into overdrive that day, I was on the phone ringing my mother to come and watch Josh! Told her to take her time, cos you know, I wasn’t getting any twinges or anything just yet. Matt, oh my god!!! He runs to turn off the stopcock, and I’m shouting after him. That’s not gonna block my waters baby!!!
Sara; Ha ha, I can picture the scenario. Your Matt hopping around like a looney in a right panic!
Julie; Oh yeah!! It was so funny because there I was, feeling calm and composed, no contractions at that point, and you know what its like when you turn up at the hospital, you wait bloody hours for the labour to progress. Matt on the other hand couldn’t stand still, leaping around like a hobbit on acid! He fixed the toilet while I sat in the bedroom and he kept calling out ‘just breathe babe, just like the midwife showed you! I’ll be there in a minute’ You could hear the panic in his voice. I was like, oh my frigging hero!! It was taking him ages to fix the bleedin toilet an all! Because he was bopping around all over the place. I goes to him, ‘hurry up and fix the toilet, I wanna run a bath, my back’s killing,’ He yelled back ‘What, you can’t have a bath, were going the hospital woman!!’ I said, yeah but it takes ages and they just pin you to the bed while you wait for the contractions to kick in. He came in the bedroom, sopping wet and looked at me where I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing my back! honest to god he looked a right sight, I goes, ooh look at you, you look like you’ve had your head stuck between my legs and my pipes broke all over you! Clean up man or the midwife will look at you like you’re a right wierdo!
Girls all laugh together!
Julie; We made it to the hospital, and yes, I still had another eight hours of labour, but the memory of how my waters broke is a nostalgic one!
Chrystal; Ah, I hope my labour is memorable like that too.
Sara; It’ll definitely be memorable hun, regardless of how it comes about. You’ll never forget the pains of labour!
Sara; I once had Michael gagging for it one sunday morning. He went out the night before and I woke up thinking, Mm, I’m feeling frisky. So I ran my nails gently up his bare back, then I was softly blowing, over his shoulders, giving him soft butterfly kisses. Then, my hand slowly reaches round the front, I could hear him stirring and he gave a nice gentle moan. I thought, hey up, its working!! I put my hands down his boxer shorts and found the ‘gold’, it was getting warm and growing fatter as I held it in my hand. I remember thinking, yep, its definitely up for play!
Julie; Oh that’s why I like fireman, its the ‘hose thing,’ its just like Matts!! Fills up as soon as you get a firm grip!
Sara; Well, Michael then flops onto his back and opens his left sleepy eye, saying ‘mmm, morning babe!’ So at this point, I know I’ve got his attention, clearly, as the ole boy downstairs is standing up to attention, making a pyramid shape out of the duvet! Then I ask him ‘babe, are you hungry! Cos I’m starving! His eyes flick wide open an he goes ‘yeah, I got an appetite on me.’ So I goes, ok, I’ll go and get the honey and then you can watch me squeeze it as it drips over my erect tongue, falling onto your chest and the whipped cream, sprayed over both my nipples!! we can make the sheets nice and dirty!! His eyes go all horny, so I sidle out at the edge of my side of the bed. I grab my shirt, because at this point, my rear bumper is out gettin air! I keep the top open, and of course, my ass is in FULL VIEW! I sashay, giving the rear load a good shake, an off I go, out the bedroom and wander downstairs. Only, I wasn’t in any rush at this point? So I start making myself breakfast and putting the kettle on for a cuppa. Michael on the other hand is getting worried and calls out for me. I goes yeah, coming up now babe.. he soon learns I’m teasing him? I start to fill up the sink with washing up liquid I can hear him calling me again from the top of the stairs, ‘Babe you got the cream,’ he yells. Well he’s the one with the cream but anyway, I keep up the game and say, yeah, babe, be right there. So he goes back to bed and waits – in vain!! I have myself a slice of toast and he can obviously smell it, which then brings him downstairs! He stands in the doorway staring at me at the sink, where I’m washing up with my pink marigolds on… I turn to look at him and there he is, naked with a full on, rock solid hard on!
Julie; Aah, he was pleased to see you!
Sara; I know, within seconds of me turning to look at him he must of seen through me as I smirked. I was about to say, do you want me to get you a wet flannel when he came rushing over, bent me forward over the sink and gave me a right good servicing!! … oh It was lovely!
Billy; Ooh I like your style sista!
Chrystal; Oh don’t, It’s making me jealous! Can’t wait till bump arrives and I can finally start playing mums and dads!
Julie; Not long honey, not long. Besides, you could always have a go on the toilet like I did!
Chrystal; Gonna try that tomorrow!
Julie; No, do it tonight!
Billy; I used to have some horny moments on the Sunday morning too. It was actually when the babies were small that the danger started to have a more erotic effect.
When they were still in their cot, I would make them a bottle, change their nappy and then put a few toys in the cot! On one occasion, I ended up with a split lip?
Juile; No? OMG it wasn’t from him getting too heavy handed with you!
Billy; Oh no, it was where the passion went a bit rough! I was on all fours, and he was behind me…… Well, the bed was wooden and well, I tell you girls, this was one of those moments that I’ll never forget. I should of known better really, as it was from Ikea! Anyway, there we were banging away, and the headboard, smacking against the wall. We must of been of been going at it, because the pressure made the cracks in the ceiling, where we had a hole, vibrate to the rhythm of our passionate bump and grind! Then out of nowhere, a clump of plaster falls down between the crack of my ass and on the thrusts of Gav’s fully erect member, poking in and out of my juicy wet lips. We were both lost in the moment, as you are in the heightened state of pleasure…. and, along came a burst of pain. The insulation must of dropped onto him mid thrust, and wow, the fucking BURN…. Jeez, that seared into me was phenomenal!! ugh it stung like a bitch, and Gav started wailing like a banshee! Oh my god, you’d of thought he’d broke his neck his way he yelped, blowing onto his crown jewels!
Julie; Aw, I can just imagine that!
Sara; Ouch. How did you get relief!
Billy; I ran a bath straight away, soaked my precious lady jewels in cool water! It didn’t cool off for the rest of the day. After I had my bath, I sat for the rest of the day in front of a fan, trying to cool it down! It was like I had a bad dose of thrush…. The pain!
Sara; D’you hear that Chrystal, thrush, have you had it yet with baby bump!!
Chrystal; Yeah, I had it, but not that bad by the sound of it!
Julie; Yeah, but was it worth it Billy!
Billy; On this occasion, NO. But the memory and the burning pain, will stay with me forever!
Julie; Should of called the fire squad! I would, ha ha!
Chrystal; So how long do I have to wait until I can play mums and dads for real, after the baby’s born!
Sara; Whenever you’re ready chick. I held off for about three weeks, and that was only because I was too knackered to get the energy needed to enjoy it! I was on double feeds you see!
Julie; But you had twins hun, I reckon you did well to get it going again after three weeks. I was about seven days after Alfie, but after Lilli, it was almost two weeks, and that was because of the stitches. I had seventeen internal and external stitches. Fuck me did that sting!!! Sat on a rubber ring for two days, it bloody burnt like a fire down there! I should of thought of the fan idea like that Billy!
Billy; After a section they said I should wait at least four weeks, but like Sara, I was back in action after about eight days!
Chrystal; Oh right ok… my midwife says you should wait at least six weeks.
Sara; Don’t listen to her. You get your stride on when your ready babe!
Julie; No honey, that’s what you tell the ole man. Between you and me, you get back into it when you’re ready! Don’t let the rules put you off!!! Just make sure you protect yourself, or else you’ll be back with another one in the oven!! You’re highly fertile during the six weeks after birth!
Sara; I reckon it lasts longer than six weeks, the fertile part….. So be careful, get covered as soon as you can. Even the pill isn’t effective until its had four weeks to embed back into your body.
Julie; Trust nothing! Even saying No didn’t work for me. I still got bloody caught!
Billy; Yeah Sara’s right. Just keep protected and you’ll get to enjoy the baby. Use all the rules to your advantage. If the hubby’s got you wrapped up in cotton wool now, after the baby, they go On my way or the other! He might get worse, you know all paranoid that baby can see it al? Stupid sod! You know what men are like around blood, If he’s squeamish, it’s a no, you could be waiting a bit longer than six weeks?
Julie; Is he squeamish Chrystal, your ole man?
Sara; Ah that’s good.
Julie; Oh you’ll be alright. When I had my third, Matt was no longer a learner, he was a professional at being a new dad. Cheeky bastard asked for a blow job two days after Annabell was born! He got more than the eyeball of death for even requesting such a task. He was bloody lucky I didn’t swing for him!